Barber Shops and Marriage Talks

 *Ryan actually goes to an indoor barber shop, but we see little places like the picture above set up all over the city.

Last week Ryan stopped by the barber shop not far from our house to get his usual $1 haircut. In Khmer he asked them not to cut it too little or too much. The other men sitting in the barber shop heard him speaking and were immediately intrigued by the foreigner who speaks Khmer. Then, as they often do, the questions came. Where are you from? What do you do here? Are you married? Is she a foreigner or Khmer? Do you have a Khmer girlfriend too? Do you want a Khmer girlfriend?

I wish I could say the last couple questions were not common, but that is just not true. It is quite common for Ryan and the other males on our teams to get propositions. Ryan has everyone from students to strangers to a member of the school administration offer to get him a Khmer girlfriend. While human trafficking and prostitution is a big business in Cambodia and many foreigners come for the allure of cheap sex, the local Khmer men are the main fuel behind the strong sex industry in Cambodia. There is somewhat of a double standard for men here; some men have one wife in the city and one wife out in the province (and typically have children by each). A couple of Ryan’s male students have openly expressed that they believe a man should go out and get a prostitute if he is not happy at home with his wife.

We knew some of these cultural beliefs before we came to Cambodia, so early on we asked that the Father would help us live our marriage out in front of our students, friends, and neighbors here in Cambodia. And HE really has helped us do this. This past year we have really been humbled by some of the encouraging things the locals have told us.

Some of Ryan and Tom’s students have been so impressed with them. They talk about how Ryan and Tom love their wives and how Ryan and Tom have told them they will only have one wife. Some of the girls in one class were so impressed that they had decided they wanted foreign husbands! One female student in the class reminded them of some not so great things she had seen foreigners do, such as buy cheap drugs and sleep around in Cambodia. Ryan was able to explain that his and Tom’s decisions were not based on being foreigners, but based on their faith—and only possible by it.

I am truly blessed with a great man! It is always humbling to walk into a classroom and have the students clap when I arrive. Upon meeting new students they will say things like, “Teacher talks about you and we couldn’t wait to meet you,” or, “I came to the party today because teacher told us his wife was coming.”

We have been reaffirmed by having our neighbors say things like, “We always see you do things together,” or when the staff at HPC say, “We can tell you love each other.”

We have our disagreements just like anybody else, and we have plenty of times when the stress from living in a different culture causes us to show anger towards each other, but we are so thankful that despite our faults the Father uses us together. Please ask that we can continue to strive to be an example together and ultimately that all the relationships we invest in reflect his glory. 

-Melissa