Nary is a sweet 19-year-old that used to live in our
neighborhood. She used to come to our house to practice her English and just
hang out. A couple months ago she had what would be considered the opportunity
of a lifetime to many people here. She got to go to a western country (not America,
though) and visit a family member that lived there. She mentioned before she
went that maybe she would marry a foreigner there. At the time I thought maybe
I misheard her and that maybe it was a girlish dream of hers.
When she came back from her grand trip she and some of her
family members came by our house. I asked to see some pictures. She scrolled
through the pictures and as she scrolled I noticed a rather large rock on her
finger. She showed me the many different places she got to see and then we got
to a picture of him: her fiancé. From the picture he appears to be in his late 50s
or early 60s. She quickly kept going through the pictures not wanting to stop
and talk about him. I asked her a little bit about him and all she could say is
that her family member knew him—then she kept on with photos of the various
activities she got to do.
In Khmer culture it is common to marry men who are much
older as they can often care for the girl and her family. They think it very peculiar
if someone marries a man even slightly younger. It is also still common to have
arranged marriages and dowries for the bride’s family even though many in the
younger generation do want to change these practices.
I worry about Nary.
If she does get a marriage visa to go back it would not be considered normal in
her new culture for her to be married to this man who is so much older than
her. I also worry because her English level is basic, she hasn’t finished high
school, and I’m not sure how much ability she would have to move around freely
and make friends. The thought of her being isolated from others and stuck with
a man she doesn’t really know is scary.
Please remember Nary. She has moved to another area of the
city, but I hope to keep contact with her. Also, please remember others like Nary because unfortunately her story is common. There are foreigners who come
to Cambodia
and work it out with a girl’s family to get a young bride for themselves, and
the girls have little say in the situation. There are also Khmer women who will
agree to marry a foreigner after only just meeting him because they are longing
for the promise of a better life, yet many of these men come with shady
intentions. (I want to note that some marriages really are legitimate and
mutual, and I want to make sure people are not judged at first glance. I want
to be careful that people know I am not talking about all marriages, but
situations where the vulnerable are taken advantage of.)
-Melissa
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