Hit from All Sides

When things get bad and things just aren’t fair we often justify negativity. We tell people it is okay to give up or let it go, but in actuality our actions under pressure say a lot about us. When we are under pressure, where is our trust? What is our hope in? What do we value? What is the anchor of our joy?

Since moving to Cambodia we’ve been hit hard a lot. Sometimes life is just not fair. Yet we sense that in hard circumstances, regardless of others’ actions, we are called to live out mercy, love, forgiveness, and righteousness. Sometimes when things get hard there is a desire to run away from things and not continue to minister, but we really feel we are called to minister in the midst of these things.

This past weekend was rough for Ryan and I. We’ll just mention a couple things:

-There is this one light in our living room that no matter how many times it gets fixed it continues to break conveniently when we have company coming.

-We’ve affectionately named Ryan’s moto "humpty dumpty" because we keep having to put it back together. It left us broken down on Saturday night again.

-We tried to buy a bed frame for the room Melissa’s parents will be sleeping in. Though the measurements were supposed to be the same as the mattress, the mattress was longer than the metal frame. The man that delivered it just jammed it down until it fit and called it good. There is no return policy in Cambodia, so I guess it will work?

- We bought a small air conditioner for the guest room and we had a heap of trouble finding someone who knew how to install it. We were told it would be way easier than the air conditioners that are hooked on the wall which was totally false. The people who finally showed up to install it looked like teenagers. It is working, but still needs some work. They basically just drilled a giant hole in our wall, made a big mess, and shoved the pipe through the hole. If I had a drill and spackling I could have done what they did (Sadly, that is not an exaggeration).

At the store they told us the tube was small and would fit through the window. Not the case. :( We were also supposed to be able to wheel it to the bathroom to drain the water, but this sucker isn't going anywhere. On the bright side....it works!

Over two and half years we have had many bad handyman experiences. Like that time in the first house when a pipe burst on the day we moved into our next house so that we found an inch of water on the floor when we walked in. Or that one day when a repair guy tried to fix a leak by shoving a plastic bag down the pipe and then just twisting it tightly. Everything in Cambodia seems to break a lot, and it is hard to find a person who knows what they’re doing to fix it. Quite honestly sometimes it feels like you get cheated and lied to at every turn. Yet we have to keep laying those aggravations down. Sure, we try really hard not to get cheated, but sometimes you try your best and it still happens. We’ve seen some foreigners become bitter about happenings in Cambodia and it affects their ability to minister here and sometimes they may just end up going home.

We have examples of times where we’ve reacted well and times where we’ve reacted – well, not so well. Only through the grace of the Father can I say he is given us the ability to react well in circumstances because honestly we see things that happen that are just not right. Sometimes we get mistreated, we see blatant corruption at all levels, and worst of all we see the vulnerable taken advantage of. Some will say, “You have righteous anger.” Sure, the things that upset us are NOT right, but at the end of the day it still doesn’t justify having anger that could turn to bitterness in one’s own heart.

Maybe if you came to visit us you would want to yell at the old foreign man walking around hand in hand with a vulnerable 16 year old girl in broad daylight, or to stop the lady who is drugging a baby to use it for begging, or confront a teacher who simply skips class and doesn’t show up to teach—but speaking harshly to them isn’t going to do anything.

We are working with very broken people, and working with broken people is no walk in the park. There is a whole lot of truth to that saying that “hurt people hurt people.” Sometimes even in the US we can put expectations on broken people to act a certain way for us to help them, but that is just going to leave us in disappointment. Sometimes people need their material needs met first (this is still very important) and then they need their emotional/spiritual needs met, but I’ve found that the latter is more difficult.  The reality is that they need a savior and so do we. We need him every single day and when I’m walking through the muck I’m reminded of that more often.

People are watching you—possibly even more closely—when you encounter difficulties. I know when we stood on the side of the road with a broken motorcycle again people were very obviously watching us. On our first home visit back I had to be tested for leukemia (since the week we moved to Cambodia I have had low white blood cells off and on) and the nurses I talked to in the doctor’s office seemed to soak up every word I said. I didn’t feel like being poked and prodded, but I got to talk to a nurse who had been sexually abused as a child. I also didn’t really want to have that bone marrow biopsy, but ironically as I lay on that table having it done I talked to the doctor about Cambodia and Buddhism in Cambodia and it was a good conversation.

I mention some of these not so glamorous things in order to say that it is way worth it. These hard circumstances have taught me so much about myself and about the Father. I have been even more convinced of what I believe than ever before, I am even more convinced he is sovereign, and I am even more convinced that I want to give more and more of myself. I have experienced very deep joy, and when I read the Word the sentences often just jump off the pages to convict my heart, changing me for the better.

This may all seem like a lot to digest, but it’s where my heart and mind are at right now. I have felt the pressure of being hit from seemingly every direction and have found myself first looking in, and then looking up, for the truth that sustains me. As I look in, I reflect on who I am today because of his grace; as I look up, my faith is made stronger in the midst of all the bad and broken things going on around me.

-M

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