One Month In

Hey everyone! I just wanted to highlight a few notes from my journal this month, since I’ve been pretty occupied with school stuff since we arrived, so here you go:

8/1/12—“After some rather unpleasant turbulence, we’ve arrived. Lights glow through the fogs as we continue to lose altitude. Only minutes now…Just felt the wheels come out. Now, city lights—I can see the river side…Touch down.

8/4/12—“Got to reconnect with friends from HPC (Hard Places Community): Alli, Yvonne, Veasna. The Father is doing incredible things in them!”

8/5/12—“GCF service today, where the Krouches attend. All in Khmer. Between the language barrier and blaring sound system, I’m afraid that I may gain no more than a headache; yet, to hear them cry out! To see them sing and listen and give! These people believe. At home, in all my comforts and “normal” environments, I find myself straining through great times of doubt, and, at times, severe distrust. But then the Father brings me here, on the far side of earth, and shows me his host in Asia, his people among the Khmer. They petition, give, sing, listen, proclaim, and welcome—just as we do at home. Is this not miraculous? Our belief is often scorned in the West as being irrational. But here it is, in the East, alive in this room, surrounded by streets full of greed, poverty, oppression, and bitterness, clothed in the façade of a very different system of belief. Truly, its presence here is “irrational”—how could it exist here, or in Italy or Iran or Indiana, if he were not real?”

8/6—“Power out for seven hours. Spent some time with Vandenn and Danielle, exchanging ‘love stories’ with them. Pretty cool. We are really enjoying our time with this family.”

8/9—“One week in, and the main lesson I’m learning is to pay little attention to the time. Instead of seeing our current position as a timed event, I’m trying to see it as a season: a period in which both the beginning and the end remain indefinite until a new season has long been underway.”

8/13—“Mel’s white blood count is up! Lymph nodes still swollen. She is taking an antibiotic to fight any possible infection. In a week we’ll check back with the doctor. Father, thank you for the doctor’s kindness and peacefulness with Melissa.”

8/14—“Eastern worldview: the power of story triumphs over the power of apologetic evidence. This is why the Good Teacher used parables, saying, “He who has ears to hear, let him hear.” He offered no apologetic for himself. He told stories and worked in signs and miracles. Fascinating.”

8/20—“In all things, ask: Do I draw from the Vine or from something else? For instance: is he my rest, or a bed in a dark, cool room? Is he my comfort, or air con and a soft chair? Is he my refreshment, or a cup of coffee or a warm shower? Is he my companion, or a friend or a spouse or a team? Is he my shelter, or intellect, or background and privilege, or knowledge and control? Is he all these things to me? A quick scan of myself easily reveals to me how I have attempted to cope with my own desperation: I choose self-reliance, or am reliant upon other people or other things. What if none of those were mine? What if I had no resources at my disposal? Indeed, what must come in order for me to fully make the Vine fully supreme in my whole life?”

8/22/12—“Great morning class. Had a wonderful conversation with my Khmer observer, Mr. San Sivutha…Afternoon class went well, but it tired me out. Felt I might have done better. But praise him—he is fulfilling my petition, which is to have a desire to truly own the role he has given me day by day.”

8/26/12—“I have been asked on occasion, ‘What brought you to Cambodia?’ I have often answered by saying, ‘Obedience.’ True as that may be, I am realizing now that obedience is never maintained where love has not sustained it. It was not, then, obedience that brought me here, for that places the work in my own hands. It was not obedience—it was love, only love. Love sustains obedience.”

8/28/12—“Tom, Vandenn, and I spent the day working on syllabi, lesson plans, and curriculum while it poured and flooded outside. I also started language school today. Mel went with Yvonne to the boys’ center and with Steph to the girls’ safe house. While there, she met a young girl I met on my previous trip, who has been selling herself on the street since she was twelve. Oh, that you would free her, my Helper! HPC and others have tried, for years, and have not succeeded. Give Melissa and the others the grace to abide in you, and so shine you to this girl. Father, give her rest.”

More to come…

-Ryan